"They were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked."-Homer Simpson, The Simpsons
"Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and we know how much G-d hates that." -Ol' Drippy, "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" on Cartoon Network/Adult Swim(Sunday night).
"You can dance.
You can dance.
Everybody look at your pants." -Homer Simpson's Safety Dance/Song.
"Moleculo: THE MOLECULAR MAN" - Conan O'Brien on SNL
HARDBALL Skit(Bits and pieces)-John McCain as John Ashcroft, Tracy Morgan-Harry Belafonte, Rachel Dratch-Rebecca DeWitt, Darrel Hammond-Chris Matthews
"DH: I scream when I get scared, and I get scared when I scream.
DH: Welcome John Ashcroft
JM: Thank you for inviting me.
DH: I had to, I was afraid you were going to arrest me and put me in some kind of camp.
(Talking about 'Kazam'(Shaq's movie)
JM: I saw this movie last week and we believe that it is a Middle Eastern training video.
RD: Who's going to police the police? My answer TERRORISTS. Give the terrorists guns and badges and let them arrest cops and military personnel...........Just because you bake one cake doesn't make you a baker, just because you paint one painting doesn't make you a painter, but just because you blow up one embassy you're automatically a terrorist............It's hypocratical!
DH: Mr. Ashcroft, when do you believe the world will be a safer place?
JM: When every man, woman, and child have a barcode tatood on the back of their necks and a chip in their heads that responds to (pulls remote control out of pocket)THIS remote!
TM: Pokemon is a slave trade and Pikachu is the slave master.
DH: One more.
TM: Poodles are the black man of the dog world."
Celebrity Jeopardy Skit-Darrel Hammond-Sean Connery, Will Ferrel-Alex Trebek, Alex Trebek-Himself
(End of the last Celebrity Jeopardy)(Darrel Hammond standing between the Trebeks)
"DH: I guess it's true that old, married couples do start to look alike.
DH: I feel like I'm in a Raisin Bran commercial, two scoops of fruit.
AT: I don't have to take this from you."
"Kate: Forget 'Wierddork', is 'Pathetasad' a word?
Drew: How 'bout 'Sarcastab***h' is that a word?"-Drew Carey Show on internet dating, I believe
"Wayne! I think we've established that 'Ca-caw, Ca-caw' and 'Tuki, Tuki' don't work!"-Orlando Jones, Evolution
"THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR LUBRICATION!"-Orlando Jones, Evolution
"There are two things Peggy Bundy doesn't do: 1. cook, clean, sew, vacuum, and parent..."-Katey Sagal, Married...With Children
"What? We don't like her because she's rich? Lousy Democrats."-Drew Carey
"Democrats and their secret languages."-John Goodman as Linda Tripp interviewing Moica Lewisnky(Molly Shannon) after Vernon Jordan(Tim Meadows) speaks to Monica in Pig Latin, SNL.
"It's a boy! I can tell because it has a penis and two testicles between it's legs!"-Cheri Oteri as a Spartan Cheerleader, Jennifer Love Hewitt just gave birth, SNL
