On one boring and fateful Friday afternoon, April 18, 2003 to be more specific, Andy and I were having a little conversation of no importance...or so we thought...bum, bum, bummm
While flipping through some news article on the internet and copying and pasting them to Andy, Andy sent me over to the Publix website. I figured, 'Hey, this'll be fun! Let's make fun of the people who barely get minimum wage!'...but that's not all we found at the Publix website, no, there was much more. All of it can be summarized in one phrase:
Publix: Sex, Lies, Conspiracies, And The Animals Who Work For Them
It started with jokes about Publix's Sliced Ham(cheap promotion) and Publix's Pharmacy...unfortunately we discovered that it is now possible for one to order food from Publix through the internet. Damn! Why make it easier for Eaton, why?! After the passing of an Eaton joke or two, I stumbled upon the new Publix service known as the 'Publix Preschool Pals'. Sounds harmless, right? Wrong. The Preschool Pals are founded by poorly named creatures like Kimmy & Kitty Kangaroo, better known as KKK, and Baron the St. Bernard. After some more appropriately timed jokes on new animal names, we continued on with our mockery of Publix. Andrew told me a story of his relatives and the mispronunciation of Publix as P.U.B.I.X. Andrew then showed me a list of the Publix benefits for workers. It just so happens that 'Tuition Reimbursement' and '401(k) Retirement Plan' were right next to each other. At this point he discovered that Publix(Pubix) wants their employees to retire while they're in college. That's crazy, right? Right!
After hearing the story of Andy's relatives I starting think about the missing 'L' in PUBIX. That's when it hit me; puBLIX--it's a U.N. Conspiracy! But then we moved away from that idea and thought of some other stuff...
Andrew then brought up an interesting point--pub l IX and winn-DIXie(what's with all the DIX?...I mean IX's?). And then he brought up another good point, "Pubix...where shopping is a pleasure" and "The Meat People" Hmmm....
By now it all came together...
If you mix the two slogans you have, 'Pubix...the Meat People.'
Also, another slogan of winn-DIXie, "We make a point to thoroughly beat our meat daily to ensure tenderness and customer satisfaction."
Yes, it's true, after some more timely jokes about clam chowder we established that Pub(l)ix and winn-DIXie are working together in one giant undercover sex organization. Oh yeah...'How do the animals tie in?' you may be asking yourself. Easily.
